s.a.t.u.r.d.a.y

More than half the day is gone. Sigh. Wished weekends would last forever! Then I'll have no cause to be depress whatsoever!! WHOOPPIIEE!!

Darn it! Keep on dreaming.

THINGS TO DO by Sat/Sun
1. Wash Edward UPDATES: Done
2. Tidy room UPDATES: Only partially
3. Come up with Ikea combination of bookshelves for my house UPDATES: Not yet
4. Update my ideas UPDATES: Not yet
5. Take my sister to the Doctor's UPDATES: She refuses to go
6. Research online and apply my ideas UPDATES: Not yet
7. Stay healthy by going to the gym! UPDATES: Not yet..tmr perhaps?

ps: hungry!! going to try out Chow Yang's la jiu pan mee!! UPDATES: not that great. wouldn't really go back there unless SUPER desperate!

Updated at 6.40pm

why i simply loooove australia!!!

Short people got no reason to live...

Ever since my brother bought his Nokia E71, he's been constantly downloading songs from youtube and always playing them to amuse himself and me. This song by Randy Newman is one of those amusing songs that he had. Apparently, it caused a rather huge controversy what with the song practically bashing short people.

Enjoy! *Snicker* No offense to short people though. *winks*

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
`Round here

Short people are just the same
As you and I
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's a wonderful world)

Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
'Round here

Hey people... click on the "nang it" button if you enjoy the post or just to humour me. *hehe* kidding on the humour part! I learn to add the button from here.

Apparently, I have it too!

* constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension. CHECKED.
* decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies. CHECKED.
* loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity. CHECKED.
* a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain. CHECKED.
* a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much. CHECKED.
* restlessness or feeling slowed down. CHECKED.
* decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate. CHECKED.
* feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt. CHECKED.
* thoughts of suicide or death. CHECKED.

Don't scold me or nag me or say stop being so pessimistic! I need your TLC and not your scoldings and disappointments. It's that wonderful time of the month. And I am entitled to feel how I feel. Especially this time of the month. It's hard to truly express out loud because I'll just be scorned.

OTHER MATTERS Sometimes, it's really the little things in your everyday life that makes life more bearable. So, it's good to dwell on good things to help you through the bad ones.

1) "Hey, i didn't know you can write quite well." A colleague quipped yesterday after reading my blog. Thanks. It made me feel happier about myself.

2) "Hi Esther!"one of the company's audit partner said to me when he met Kristin, Kelly and me at Gloria Jeans today. I thought he didn't know of my existence or didn't know my name. In fact, I can't believe he forgot Lyn's name! He remembers her as the girl who always carries her LV bag. How can that possibly be when Lyn's like famous??!!! *hehe* Oh no. She's probably going to be spitting mad when she reads this!

3) A hug from someone who matters.

4) Congratulations on your engagement!!! I know it's something that you've been waiting for quite some time and I am so happy for you! =)

are you depressed?

If you truly care for a person that has depression, don't ridicule them, don't stab them with emotional swords. Don't ever tell that someone you understand what they're going through when your very words shows otherwise.

1. Understand WHAT is depression. Just Google and you have an ocean full of information at your disposal.

2. Don't say you understand if you've never been through it because chances are... you don't!

3. Help them the way they need help. NOT the way you want to help them.

4. Remember, a depressed person is not a well person. I am not saying that person is cuckoo or mentally crazy but they're not well and they need your tender loving care (TLC). So, treat them accordingly! Don't expect them to think rationally like you.

5. Be very patient with the day to day help. People don't just snap out of depression just on a whim and fancy.

Here are some symptoms taken from HERE. The below symptoms are NOT the only ones. There are others. Just Google to get more info.

• constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
• decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
• loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
• a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain
• a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
• restlessness or feeling slowed down
• decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
• feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
• thoughts of suicide or death

So, do you think you have one or a few of the above symptoms? If you do, i hope that you have people who cares about you to help you through your depression.

Punching bag

pic taken: doic.net/ojay/

It appears to me that I am somehow people's emotional punching bag.

When a person is ticked off or pissed off by someone else, they take it out on me. When that happens and they're moodless, they expect me to buzz off and scram without forewarning me at times expecting me to have like what??!! a reading people's mind talent??!!!

And when they're all chirpy and happy, they expect me to reciprocate in kind. Like HELLO??!!!

I am not some robot or emotionless thing with an on/off button where you can expect me to adjust to your every moods. Ever thought of my very own moods and feelings??!! And yeah, if only I could stay away from people like that. After all, the 6 closest people to you are probably those that will influence you somehow.

However, it's a bit hard to distance oneself when they're your family or loved ones.

and you guys mutter that I am a pessimist. Gee. I wonder why.

Selfishness

"There are two kinds of egoists: those who admit it and the rest of us."
-Dr Lawrence J. Peter

I cannot fathom how some people can just be so horridly selfish and self centered, thinking of oneself and not others. IF there is a bigger portion, that's the part they'll grab. IF it's a nicer thing, they'll claim dibs on that. If it's a better deal, they'll take it with no regards for other people. They want this and that but they don't take care and maintain that very thing they wanted in the first place. They don't know the very meaning of sacrifice although they delude themselves thinking that they to.

How can I tell you? You'll just turn a deaf ear on me. Do you know that your very actions hurt me? Do you care that you hurt me? How can you expect me to turn my feelings off and on to suit your purposes? When you're happy, you expect me to be just as happy and nice to you back. When you're unhappy maybe as a result of a tiff or an argument with someone else, you take it out on me. Do i look like a punching bag to you??!! Please. Walk your talk and practice what you preach. Even if you don't believe in karma, karma's a bitch and it basically means "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you."

Yes, it's true. We are all very emotional beings, always going by our feelings. I, do too! But you can't ALWAYS be following your own feelings and thinking of yourself. When are you going to start caring for others especially those that means most to you? Rising above is especially when you DON'T feel like it but you still DO it.

What's the point of preaching when you don't live by the very things you preach? You tell me not to justify my very actions. Well, so should you.

"If all the people in this world, in which we live, were as selfish as a few of the people in this world, in which we live, there would be no world in which to live."
-W. L. Orme

H1N1 Flu

My company currently implemented a policy whereby if you're feeling unwell even if it's unrelated to the H1N1 flu... STAY HOME! Don't go to work and infect others. If you think it's because the company is concerned over it's staff's health and welfare, then THINK AGAIN! As if. *hehe* They just don't want you to contaminate the remaining slave force!!

My colleague mentioned that he was feeling unwell and that the doctor told him to take the day off . But he being ever smart, nerdy and hardworking soldiered on with work and to client's. I told him, if tomorrow he is still unwell, he should really stay home and rest.

But of course, i told him to infect me first! =p and what is it that Malaysia calls it the H1N1 flu when others are calling it the SWINE flu??!! Is it because of the word, "SWINE" meaning piggie... and for the obtuse.. B-A-B-I!! Not baby k. It's just comes to show you some people's idiocy.

Friend or foe?

Sometimes it's rather hard to distinguish between truths and lies. For example, how do you know if what someone tells you is the truth and not a deception? How do you know if you can trust that person when you hear conflicting accounts of that person's testimony? How do you know if you can trust that person to safekeep your secrets and not blab? and how do you know you're not being used to suit that someone's purposes??!!

I feel a trickle of confusion in my mind hearing this from this person and hearing that from another person. I guess my discerning wisdom is a little wonky and off tangeant at the moment. I realised that I've been sucked into the real world.. the gossip world... the superficious world.

I don't know why I don't seem to defend a person's character when it's being defamed or disparaged or rather I feel unsure what to say. Somehow, with situations in my working life, the people I meet coupled with the way i handle my emotions and thoughts have changed me from a somewhat goody-two-shoe girl to perhaps a super mild wolfess in sheepskin.. or rather not such a goody miss holy. Of course, I don't backstab ppl or do nasty stuff or at least I don't do it intentionally... I HOPE!

Nowadays, I find it hard to distinguish between gossiping/backstabbing and just stating facts/venting ones frustration. And this itself is an indication of my state of mind in the christian faith meter. Yikes! Sometimes when someone tells you a scenario about so and so. You'll ask who is the person involved so that you can either avoid going through such similar situation with such person or just be more cautious around the said person. Then again, perhaps it's just the "gossipy" side in us that wants to know.

I guess what I am trying to say is... today, somehow, I started thinking on this and how I would like to try and curb this gossipy part of me. It's not going to be easy and there will be times where I will probably be a blur bimbo gossiping away when i should stop... but i want to start improving myself and be a better me.

These past few days, I have been doing my goal settings for my work whereby we're supposed to set out goals for development for self in terms of technical skills, personal skills and career. I realised that i have not been growing much as i had been dwelling on the wrong things instead of doing something about it proactively which inadvertently resulting in my current situation.

I have been feeling somewhat positive lately and I hope that when the going gets tough again, I will be able to sum up a little bit, even if just a tiniest bit of optimism so as not to disappoint and aggravate those who have been cheering me on such as lyn, my bf, my family and most importantly... myself.

My response to u, my friend =)

What on earth do you mean it's just a colloquial?? I, too need my own personal space to breathe, think, reflect or rather to mope and be depressed first. But of course, am working to change the depressed part! =)

You need the big & fat in order to have the petite & thin/slim. Just like there can't be a wrong without a right.

What in blazes are you talking about when you say about crying and not being an animal?? confused woman. Sometimes, it's just good to cry and let it out. After that emotional release, one will feel less upset and more focused. Crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you more of a human.

There are a few sayings on faith that i found on google.

"Faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy."

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're going to hold on to."

Hey!! Who says that i was referring to me being the groucher and griper? Pfft!! =p hehe. But anyways, am working away from that!

True about self- presentation laddering to success. If you look good, you will feel good. And when you feel good, somehow you'll make those around you feel good too!! However, you think everyone is so fortunate like Ting to have you gal pals to help with grooming?? =p Gotta start back on the shitting tea!! hehe. Trying something else first for now.

I, too am glad to have you as part of my journey in life. You're forever funny and amusing except when you call me meanie names!! and i will never forget how you made me feel part of any gang including yours! Can't wait for BKK!!!!

Build optimism??! Gee. Not everyone can be as determined and strong willed as you but of course that doesn't mean one can't or shouldn't attempt to do so. And if everytime i should fall, i will cry, pick myself up and continue on.

Wah... You need to learn patience from me??? Or do you mean someone else?? Me? PATIENCE?? yau moh??!!!

Hurting is equivalent to mental bleeding and it STILL hurts irregardless of whatever bleeding.

What 3000 glances in the past life to exchange for a chance to know one another??? I do treasure you that's why i try to keep in touch!! =p Thanks for being my friend too!

Love,

Flawed but still awesome!!

No longer me

Antisocial jane is no fun.

Big and fat is chubby and frumpy.

Crying silent tears.

Dejected and desolated at the way things are.

Everlasting memories for the good and the bad.

Faithful til the end?

Grouchy and griping does not make you a friend.

Hairy and horny gets you no where.

Initial perception maybe false impression.

Journeys are part and parcel of life.

Knight in shining armour is just a fanciful notion.

Life passes one by if one limits oneself.

Mopping and griping, wasted opportunities.

Never say never.

Optimism is the key if only one embraces it.

Patience is a virtue.

Queensland is where i want to be.

Revel in your imperfections.

Sleeping is just a form of escapism.

Truth is reality that hurts.

Utopia, a refuge i seek.

Vision leads to action.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next.

Xenophobia means a fear of strangers or foreigners.

Yearning is just a waste of energy and time.

Zealous with passion is better than none.

silly girl

odium pronounced as OH-dee-uhm

1. Intense hatred or dislike; loathing; abhorrence.
2. The state or fact of being intensely hated as the result of some despicable action.
3. Disgrace or discredit attaching to something hated or repugnant.

word of the day taken from http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday

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"Ohmygosh. Such a drag. I feel like going home. I wished i was home. Anywhere but here would suffice..." I glanced at my watch and to my dismay, it was only 9 in the morning!

I had two mini discussions with two somewhat important people and i hope God will show me, tell me, give me a dream, anything... anything just so i know what to do. Today, i feel somewhat light and happy especially as i left office before 6pm!! Went for a mini jog in the park with my sister and found out how free and callous Patches is in bestowing her affections. Frankly, I am appalled and am disgusted! She has definitely fallen from my good books and has earned my odium! No more walks in the parks for her without her leash! Bleh. Correction. NO more walks in the park for her. Ever. P-E-R-I-O-D!

Anyways, hope tomorrow will be another easy, light and happy day.

ps: Anyone interested in climbing mt KK??

Taare Zameen Par

After a LONG day out with the family looking at numerous tv tables, dressing tables, bookcases, shelves, shoe cupboards; long ones, tall ones, short ones, fat ones, reasonably priced ones, expensive ones, black to white to brown to OMG... from on LDP to Ikea... we came back home and watched Taare Zameen Par on Astro.

Yeah. my family watches indian movies. More like my mother. Ever since i started work, i hardly watch tv. More of watching series on my laptop ie boston legal, grey's anatomy, how i met your mother, monk etc. Anyways, it was a pretty good movie about a boy having dyslexia and how misunderstood he was. As children who have dyslexia, it's tough for them to read and spell. And the movie showed how 8 year old Ishaan, initially depicted as a naughty boy who was forever not doing his homework and is always disruptive in classes and getting into trouble which then led to his father sending him to a boarding school.

At the beginning, the teachers were also the same as at his previous school. Always scolding,punishing and humiliating him as he had problem reading and writing. It came to a point where he simply withdrew and sink into a perpetual state of fear and depression. However, the plot progressed with Ishaan improving with the help of a temporary art teacher who could relate to him as the art teacher himself had suffered from dyslexia!

The show ended with Ishaan winning the art competition held in the school among students and teachers and how touched and proud his parents were at his accomplishments!!

Basically, dyslexia is a language learning disorders that normally starts during childhood whereby the dyslexic can't write or spell correctly. They often are confused and jumble their words backwords or reversed ie dog becomes god or "b" is "d" or "w" could be a "m"!

www.mindorders.com

There are many famous people who suffered or used to suffer from dyslexia such as Walt Disney (Founder of disney cartoons), Thomas Addison (the inventor of lights), Albert Einstein, Actors and actresses such as Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Robbin Williams, Salma Hayek, Orlando Bloom, Keanu Reeves, Keira Knightley, Patrick Dempsey and even Richard Branson!! Well, i am not 100% how legit the info is but it was sourced from here. Even in the movie, they mentioned that abishek bachan, the famous bollywood actor also known as amitabachan's son and husband to aishwarya rai used to be dyslexic!

Despite such a start in life, at the end of it, they made something out of their lives. And this shows that anyone can be anything if they would just give wings to their dreams. Or at least try. Note to self. hehe.

ps: DARN IT! it's back work in 8 hours time! bummer. STAY P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E no matter what! or at least try...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

OMG!! OMG!!

I hate it when i've typed super LONG or meaningful posts and POOF... it's ALL gone!

So pekcik!! Pissed!!

Sigh. Basically, the main gist was HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Dear mummy,

Thank you for being a nurse, chauffeur, teacher, chef, discplinarian all these years and most importantly.. thank you for being a saint, patiently putting up with all my tempers and tantrums! Despite all the frustrations and misgivings, I LOVE YOU and trully appreciate everything that you've done although sometimes it may not be translated in my words or actions. Thank you.

Love, your youngest.

Believe

Stumbled upon this song few days ago on Josh Groban and Beyonce singing "Believe", a song from "Polar express" the Christmas animation. At first, i found the song's tune a little weird. However, this is the kind of song that just grows on you after listening to it a few times and you also start to notice certain parts of the lyrics that just jumps out at you.

"We were dreamers not so long ago. But one by one we all had to grow up."

And it's so true. Some of us get to live our dreams. Others just continue on dreaming and hope that one day, their dream will materialise. And others... well, they just stop dreaming.

And this the other part, "Believe in what you feel inside, And give your dreams the wings to fly. You have everything you need, If you just believe." is basically what the aptly named song is all about. Believe.

That's why, I am going to believe or at least believe in miracles and one of them is that i will pass BOTH my papers. I know it's probably a long shot. But, hey... you just never know. Moving on, i have to start believing in myself and i need to find wings for my dreams.

*HEHE*

Then again, i think i have to figure out which of my dreams i want to pursue first.

I had this theory if one could just win RM100 a day ie from Genting, 30days x RM100 = RM3k. Hence, no need work so strenously or one would be more free to pursue other stuff. I mean, it can't be that difficult to win just RM100 right?? Let's just say, that hypothesis has been tested and it's not that simple. Darn it!

Polar Express Soundtrack
Believe-Josh Groban

Children sleeping
Snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling
Like bells in the distance.

We were dreamers
Not so long ago.
But, one by one
We all had to grow up.

When it seems the magic slipped away,
We find it all again on Christmas Day.

Believe in what your heart is saying,
Hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
There's so much to celebrate.

Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need
If you just believe.

Trains move quickly
To their journey's end.
Destinations
Are where we begin again.

Ships go sailing
Far across the sea.
Trusting starlight
To get where they need to be.

When it seems that we have lost our way,
We find ourselves again on Christmas Day.

Believe in what your heart is saying,
Hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
There's so much to celebrate.

Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need
If you just believe.

If you just believe
If you just believe
If you just believe
Just believe
Just believe

Fear, oh fear... where art thou?

I don't seem to fear for tomorrow's exam despite being NOT prepared. I used to fear or be anxious before every exam that i might fail and that will somewhat motivate me to mug harder a bit to ensure that it doesn't happen. Failing was NEVER an option. But ever since my first failing 2 years back, it's as if i don't care anymore. Or it feels, why bother? Last semester, i didn't care if i failed. Looking back, that was a really juvenile thinking. This semester, i just want to get it done over with but somehow i have a feeling that i might fail one or even BOTH papers.

Sigh.

It's all about mindset. Last time, i do it for the sake of doing it. Now, it is the same just that with the thinking that this is all so pointless. I don't even remember what i read. I don't even understand what i read at times. I don't use it in my work. So, why am i doing this??!! Perhaps if i have back that same feelings of fear before i failed, i wouldn't keep failing. Or if i can just get a right mindset.

I know. I know. You're just going to say,"Think positive. Dwell on good things."

Yada yada yada.... BUT for now...

Don't ask me to be positive. Don't ask me to say nice things. Don't say i expect too much from you or that i complain too much. So, what if i DO complain a lot? or expect you to do certain things? or am SUPER pessimistic?

If the "big leech" wasn't the way he is and if you guys followed the course in life that most of us do.. study, work, earn money and carry out your responsibilities, or at least, not think of yourselves and make excuses, things would be so much better. And I wouldn't be this bitter nor this angry nor this frustrated. I wouldn't feel this way that everything i do is to make up for you all not fulfilling your part.

My soul is weary. I am sinking. I can't do it anymore. Can you understand that? I know there are things to be positive about. To be grateful for. But i can't seem to see them right now. Can you understand that?

I need to move on, for now. I need to break away. I need to think of me for once. It's all about self preservation.

I have to do this, for me.

For a happier me.

Lyn d bimb aka ex- meanie... my hero-ine!!!

Image courtesy: http://sara.nomadlife.org

EXAMS... For those who are interested in how i did for my exam yesterday, basically -not good. I couldn't finish so many questions. I allocated roughly 30mins for each question with each question having 3 parts and in total there were 4 questions. However, i took 30 minutes just to complete one part of one question!! Hence, i didn't finish part c for all 4 questions and some part b's too... which doesn't bode too well for my potential passing grade.

Besides that, my hormones just have exceptionally GREAT timing. During the exam, i started experiencing back cramps, stomach cramps and leg cramps!! First days are the worst!! Felt like i was freezing in Melbourne winter on the streets without a stitch of clothing on! Even with Lyn (she wants to be known as Lyn d boobies though), the life saver's answers didn't help much! Poor thing. After all the effort that she had invested in her preparation, we were just thrown off track by the exam questions and how to modify our answers to fit the questions. So, here's hoping for a miracle to happen for both of us!!

Now, i have to start mugging for my next exam. As must as i like study break and being away from hellhole, studying dry, boring and USELESS stuff is rather tedious. Instead of wasting it on studies, i should utilise my leaves for HOLIDAYs!!!!

AFTER EXAMS... Anyways, after the miserable exam, we went to 1u to meet Lyn's friends, Ting and Poh. They're super sweet and sot. Sot as in koo koo, as in crazy, as in siao but in a nice and fun way. We headed to Full House at Niu Che Shui as Lyn wanted to experience the ambience. Lyn was livid cos her camera died on her just as we were taking pics of her outside the shop. And she was practically mentally strangling herself when we stepped into the interior. The shop basically has a lot of spots where you can take pics and camwhore. (Why does ppl call it camwhore btw? sounds so uncouth....)

LYN'S PALS... Finally met Winnie and her bf who's also a high school mate's cousin. This means, i have met the bkk trip kakis!! Which will only be Winnie, Ting, Lyn and me. Winnie is boisterous and cute with her antics. She and her bf are super cute together. On the other hand, Poh strikes me as poised, friendly and sweet. Somehow it's the way she carries herself. Very mature and hints of elegance. Ting appears to be the baby of the group. They look out FOR her and OVER her and AT her. Poking fun at her, too!

They're so cute, friendly and farnee k.... and definitely one LOUD group!! We were laughing really loudly over Poh's situation and the ppl from other tables kept glancing at us. But it didn't matter. Despite the conversation being in cantonese 90% of the time, i could roughly understand the gist of the jokes. And besides, Lyn, Poh and Winnie asked me every once in awhile if i understood what was being said. This display of consideration really warms the cockles of my heart.

And you know what??? I think BKK trip is going to be a blast!! Tis a pity that Poh will not be joining us. Lyn, feel free to make any plans to go anywhere, do anything and everything!! I seriously don't mind!! Am open for anything!! =) hehe. But of course nothing TOO extreme. Knowing your propensity of potential siaoness.

I now understand how you are always happy and positive. Well, for one thing, it's cause of your optimistic nature. However, i think it's also cause you have such great friends!! It's always a privilege to meet new friends and especially if they're warm, fun, friendly and crazy people!!